Our self-image is formed from a set of inner beliefs about ourselves. These beliefs are based upon past experiences and what we determined they meant at the time.
Exploring the beliefs that form your self-image is important because they will determine your thoughts, feelings, behaviors – and ultimately your level of success in ALL things.
Have you ever uttered statements like these?
“I stink at math.”
“I’m terrified of public speaking.”
“I could never be an airplane pilot.”
“I don’t have what it takes to be successful.”
“I’m just not a people person.”
“No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get ahead.”
It’s very easy to buy into these “excuses” (yes, that’s what they are!) because they remove the responsibility from our shoulders. Convincing ourselves that we’re just “not good” at something means we no longer have to try hard or take risks. It’s out of our hands. Consequently, we end up holding ourselves back from the lives we really wish we were living. We end up feeling stuck in a cycle of frustration, wanting something better but not believing we have the ability to create it.
Overcoming Negative Preconceptions
In order to break free from limiting beliefs, we need to change our preconceptions.
Man is still responsible ... His success lies not with the stars, but with himself. He must carry on the fight of self-correction and discipline.
- Frank Curtis Williams
Preconceptions are previously formed opinions or ideas we hold about ourselves. These beliefs have the power to influence how we feel about ourselves, what we believe we are capable of, and the actions we take (or don’t take) to create the life we want.
So how do we overcome these negative preconceptions? Just like changing our negative thinking to positive, it takes consistent effort and focus.
Changing our negative self-talk into positive self-talk on a consistent basis is key.
Rather than tearing ourselves down, we can choose to fill our inner dialogue with empowering affirmations and build ourselves up.
Think about this: how would you speak to someone you loved and respected?
Would you be cruel and unforgiving? Or would you be kind, encouraging and supportive? It doesn’t matter what others say to you, or how others treat you. What matters is how you treat yourself! (Ironically, the better you treat yourself, others pick up on that and begin to see you differently – and ultimately treat you better. It’s all about what you believe you deserve.)
At the same time, you can also shift your focus from what you don’t want, to what you DO want.
For example, if you fear failure you are motivated to avoid failure at all costs (which usually means procrastinating on your goals and avoiding risk-taking). If you instead focus most of your attention on being successful at whatever you do, you’ll find that the fear of failure diminishes.
The more you focus on what you WANT, the less you will attract what you DON’T WANT.
Getting to Know Yourself
It's so ironic that we usually avoid the very thing that would help us build a strong foundation of confidence and self-esteem: spending time with ourselves.
How does that help anything?
Getting to know yourself can blast through any negative preconceptions you may be harboring. Remember, your self-image is usually based on the conclusions you formed from your past experiences. You may hold a belief that you are not a good writer, or you’re not a “people person”, or that you don’t have any special skills, but is that really true? How do you know for sure?
Please don’t say, “Because I tried it once and I sucked at it.” Trying something once (or only a few times) doesn’t count.
The truth is, you can become good (or even great) at anything if you want it badly enough and you’re willing to put in the time and effort to get there.
Here’s the million dollar question: Do you really want to get “there”? Getting to know yourself helps you separate what YOU really want from what others expect of you. You might think you want to be a great writer because your mother praised the short story you wrote in sixth grade. You craved her approval, so your desire to be a writer might be all wrapped up in the illusion of receiving praise and recognition. You don’t want to write, you just want to be a “great writer.” If you constantly procrastinate on writing and can’t seem to push yourself to do it, you might want to question whether you really want to be a writer after all. Perhaps your true passion lies elsewhere. That is just one example of the many ways we can deceive ourselves.
If you take time to get to know yourself – REALLY know yourself – you will discover things that were previously hidden (or denied because they didn’t match others’ expectations of you).
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